The Secret Lives of Scientists
by LlewellynPrince
Summary: Atlantis’s scientists teach the military personnel a special lesson…Geeks get laid more then soldiers. SLASH
1. Chapter 1

Title: The Sordid Sex Lives of Geeks  
Author: llewellynprince

Series: The Scret Lives of Scientists  
Rating: R –NC-17  
Pairings: McKay/Sheppard Teyla/Weir Ford/Zelenka Beckett/Bates Grodin/Stackhouse/Simpson Miko/Heightmeyer  
Category: Humor, Lust, Romance, Drama  
Summary: Atlantis's scientists teach the military personnel a special lesson…Geeks get laid more then soldiers  
Notes: Un-beta'd

* * *

Part One: The Sordid Sex Lives of Geeks

Czech scientist/engineer, puddle jumper expert, and best friend of Rodney McKay, due to the simple fact that he was the only one who could stand him for any amount of time, Radek Zelenka stared at his desk top in shock and disbelief and a little horror. Said McKay, his assistant Miko, Dr. Heightmeyer, Kavanaugh, Grodin, and Dr. Simpson stood off to the side. They were staring too, albeit without the horror.

"What?" Radek turned to McKay who just shrugged.

"It was there when we got here."

"Open it," Miko, Heightmeyer, and Simpson demanded as Elizabeth, Teyla, Sheppard, Ford, Bates, Stackhouse, and Beckett walked in.

Elizabeth took one look at the scientists and asked, "What's going on? None of you were at breakfast? Is something wron-what is that?" she stared at the basket on Zelenka's table top.

"It's a present from a secret admirer," Rodney said dryly, looking entirely too amused, there was s glint in his eye that said he knew something about it but wasn't about to talk.

"How do you know?" Bates asked raising an eyebrow. These things did not happen under his watch, let alone on another planet in another galaxy, unless aliens had some how gotten a hold of Loveboat or any of those Harlequin novels Simpson and some of the other women had stashed away.

"Well, considering it's a gift with an unsigned card and it's not his birthday or any holiday that I'm aware of, I'd say it's a pretty logical conclusion," Rodney said sarcastically.

"Open it!" Simpson demanded again and Radek pulled on the ribbon holding the wrapping paper, it fell away to reveal a basket full of goodies. Chocolate bars, coffee grounds, and a stuffed teddy bear holding a red heart. Zelenka's jaw dropped, Rodney's eyebrows disappeared under his hair line, Simpson 'awed', Miko squealed, Heightmeyer announced it to be true love, Elizabeth beamed, Teyla smiled and called it 'a true show of deepest affection', Grodin and Bates grinned and Sheppard gave him a thumbs up, and Ford smiled but there seemed to be an edge of nervousness to it.

"Wow." Zelenka murmured the only American slang he ever used; Rodney snagged one of the candy bars as Zelenka picked up the teddy bear and inspected the note.

_Dear Radek,_

_Roses are red, violets are blue, McKay is smart and so are you!_

_Your secret admirer_

"'McKay is smart and so are you'?" Rodney repeated around a candy bar. "That's ridiculous, corny, and a complete lie."

"It's sweet," Simpson countered, defending the romance.

"Wow, looks like one of you is finally getting laid!" Sheppard grinned.

All the scientists turned as one and looked at him with raised eyebrows.

"What do you mean finally?" Simpson asked.

"The Major is under the impression that military men get laid more then us geeks, which unless he's counting hand jobs is completely untrue and even if he is counting them, it's still completely untrue." Rodney said as if it were obvious, he turned to Sheppard. "I hate to break it to you Major but we get laid a hell of a lot more then you," Rodney snorted and when the military men burst out laughing he sat down and raised an eyebrow.

"You don't believe us?" Simpson asked crossing her arms and standing next to him.

"Uh, well it's nothing personal, but…no," Sheppard said apologetically.

"Would you be reacting this way to a secret admirer if you did?" Ford asked the reasonable question.

"For a serious relationship, yes. But we're talking just sex," Simpson clarified airily as if it was the most common thing in the world. Jaws dropped. "Three ways, four ways, toys, bondage, you name it, we've done it!"

"Is that true?" Teyla asked, Heightmeyer nodded.

"I found out the hard way," she said with a satisfied smile and a glance Miko's way. "And believe me they've done a hell of a lot more then that."

"I think it from a man," Miko said looking over his shoulder. Zelenka didn't seem fazed by that at all just continued staring at the bear as if it would suddenly speak and answer all the great questions of the universe.

"That doesn't bother you?" Bates asked with a raised eyebrow, he didn't have a problem with it but it somewhat surprised him that they didn't either.

"Sergeant, all of us has had relationships with both sexes, it's not that big of a deal," Rodney paused, then an evil grin blossomed on his face. "How would you like to make a wager, Major?" he asked.

"That depends, what's the bet and who's involved?" Sheppard asked suspiciously, instinctively he knew this was something he was going to regret.

"The wager is: we run a survey and see who, scientists or military personal, have the most sexual experience, which's gotten laid more since they got here, and seduction."

"Seduction?" Sheppard swallowed.

"Who's better?" Rodney grinned. "It involves anyone who wants to be involved we can have a sign up sheet in the mess. Willing participants only."

"Ur well…" Sheppard looked at Elizabeth, praying she'd say it was against the rules or something like that; she just shrugged and looked at him. Great.

"Come on, Major you're not afraid are you?" Rodney goaded.

Sheppard glared at him. "Fine, we'll do it!" He gave in.

"Perfect, I'll write the survey and put a sign up sheet in the mess hall."

"Who's going to judge the winners?" Ford asked.

"Teyla and I will," Elizabeth volunteered getting into the spirit of things, Teyla nodded in agreement with a smile that was more amused then it should have been.

TBC. . .


	2. Chapter 2

Title: Sex Survey Part 2  
Author: llewellynprince

Series: The Secret Lives of Scientists  
Rating: R –NC-17  
Pairings: McKay/Sheppard Teyla/Weir Ford/Zelenka Beckett/Bates Grodin/Simpson Miko/Heightmeyer Stackhouse/Markham  
Category: Humor, Lust, Romance, Drama  
Summary: Survey Time!  
Notes: Beta'd by lyndasty

* * *

Part Two: Sex Survey

Rodney read over the survey he'd written and smiled a slightly evil and demented smile, but a smile none the less. Normally he hated taking time away from his important work, but this was the only exception. Well there would be another one if a certain military major weren't so oblivious. He shook his head and brought himself back to the situation at hand. Reading the survey over one more time he smiled; he was a certified genius!

"Hey, McKay!" A certified genius who'd just been given a heart attack. He turned and found the Major leaning on the side of his desk.

"Can I help you Major or are you just here to kill me?" He snapped. Sheppard raised an eyebrow like he didn't understand what Rodney had said.

"I came to see if you needed any help," he offered.

Rodney shooed him away. "It's done; I was just heading down to the mess to give it to Elizabeth. I printed 200 copies."

"Is that enough?"

"Should be, unless we got a whole new crew of people that I'm not aware of and if we have, I demand to know where my share of the lackeys are!"

"We didn't, so let's go. Hey what are you doing?"

"You're the strong military man, you can carry them."

"What! They're your damn papers."

"And you didn't help when I wrote them, so you can help now."

Sheppard glared at the back of Rodney's head as they walked to the mess hall where Elizabeth was sitting with Teyla and Halling waiting for them.

"Elizabeth, I finished the surveys," Rodney said.

"Great." Elizabeth swallowed what she'd been eating and stood. "Halling has agreed to help Teyla and I judge."

"Great."

"Ford."

"Yes, sir," the young Lieutenant smiled nervously as he took half the stack of papers from his commander. Elizabeth climbed onto one of the tables.

"Oi, Rodney are those the surveys?" Beckett called across the room from where he was sitting with Zelenka and several members of the medical staff.

"Yeah."

"All right, everyone, can I have your attention please?" Elizabeth called over the noise of the eating area; the sight of their commander standing on top of a table was enough to get everyone's attention and silence filled the room. "Thank you. As many of you have heard, Major Sheppard and Doctor McKay have come up with a little game for everyone to play that will help us all relax. First there will be a survey, then a tally, and finally a competition."

"What's the whole thing about?" Sergeant Stackhouse asked.

"The survey will be to find out who has more sexual experience, scientists or military, the tally, to see who's had sexual relations since we got here, and the challenge, to see who is better at seduction." She paused for effect. "Now we'll have a sign up sheet for the last two, one for military personnel and one for science personnel and you can back out whenever you want." The room went dead silent and no one moved, shocked and slightly embarrassed. Elizabeth shared a worried look with Sheppard and McKay and was about to call the whole thing off when Bates stood up, walked over, and signed up. Sheppard stared at him in shock and then smiled.

"Thanks." Bates nodded and stood next to him and Ford.

"Five bucks on the major," Stackhouse said to Grodin, Markham, and Simpson, who were sitting next to him.

"Ten on McKay," Grodin returned and the two men eyed each other for a moment, and then watched in shock with Markham as Simpson strutted over and signed up. The men shared a look.

"Good luck," Stackhouse said and they shook hands, following Markham who had already stood to sign up.

Sheppard and McKay watched as Simpson and then Markham, followed by Stackhouse and Grodin, signed up. Slowly several others trickled over and signed their names. When Beckett and Zelenka walked over and signed up, Ford looked like his heart was about to explode out of his chest. Zelenka must have seen the look of hopelessness on his face because he asked if everything is okay.

"Uh, yeah, fine," Ford squeaked out.

"'ey, Radek, don't you 'ave that secret admirer?" Beckett asked as he put the pen down.

"Oh, yes. But this work out. When I find out who admirer is, I can seduce him." Beckett grinned and nodded in agreement as Zelenka finished.

"Hey, Dr. Zelenka, will you sign me up?" Ford asked instantly.

Rodney rolled his eyes, if the kid was anymore obvious Zelenka was going to trip over him.

"Of, course Lieutenant. What is your first name?"

Oh, Ouch. Sheppard grimaced.

"Aiden."

"There you go."

"Thanks," Aiden said in a quiet voice. Bates and Sheppard gave him sympathetic looks. After Beckett and Zelenka, more people started warming up and began signing up as Ford and Sheppard handed out surveys. At the end of the sign up they had 20 scientists and 19 military, and everyone was taking the survey. Elizabeth grabbed a copy to read over as everyone else filled theirs out. Since she was judging she wasn't taking one, neither was Teyla or Halling and she wondered briefly if they would have understood enough to participate. She turned back to the survey and felt herself blush as she read the survey.

_**Sex Survey**_

**Scientist or Military Circle one**

**1.) Have you ever had sex? (If you have not: hand in your survey immediately and go get laid!)** 'Oh for the love of god Rodney!' Elizabeth shook her head.

**2.) Have you ever had sex with a member of your sex?**

**3.) Have you ever had sex with a member of the opposite sex?**

**4.) Have you ever had sex with both the same and opposite sex at the same time?**

**5.) Have you ever had sex with more than two people at the same time?**

**6.) Have you ever had sex with three or more people at the same time?**

**7.) Have you ever used toys during sex?**

**8.) Have you ever used toys by yourself?**

**9.) Have you ever masturbated by yourself?**

**10.) Have you ever masturbated with someone else watching?**

**11.) Have you ever masturbated during sex?**

**12.) Check which positions you have had sex in:**

**Missionary**

**Kneeling, from behind**

**From behind standing**

**Spooning**

**Standing**

**Deckchair**

**On bottom**

**On top**

**Kneeling**

**Sitting**

**On furniture**

**Stand and carry**

**The arc**

**Armchair**

**The deep one**

**The fusion**

**The hammock**

**The mill vanes**

**The trapeze**

**The wheelbarrow**

**Other**

**13.) Check the places you have had sexual relations:**

**Bed**

**Car**

**Desk**

**Boss's desk**

**Closet**

**Elevator**

**Staircase**

**Hammock**

**Pool**

**Hot tub**

**Back of a pickup truck**

**Counter**

**Table**

**Floor**

**Tub**

**Shower**

**Couch**

**Chair**

**In front of fireplace**

**On coffee table**

**Or Other**

**14.) Have you ever practiced voyeurism?**

**15.) Have you ever practiced S&M?**

**16.) Have you ever role-played?**

**17.) Have you practiced bondage?**

**18.) Have you ever been to a strip club? Male or female or both**

**19.) Have you even hired a stripper? Male or female or both**

**20.) How old were you when you first had sex? 16 or under 16-20 20-30 30 or above**

**21.) Do you know the people you sleep with or is it just a random encounter?**

**22.) Do you currently have a crush or more on someone who doesn't know?**

**23.) Have you ever slept with a non-corporal being or any other alien?** 'Rodney!' Elizabeth couldn't believe he'd written that. Obviously it was meant for Sheppard.

Elizabeth could feel herself turning beat red; dear god and Rodney had written this! She was never going to underestimate him again or let him near her computer. She looked around and noted that quiet a few of the military people were several different shades of red. Bates was reading the entire thing carefully and shifting uncomfortably in his seat. Stackhouse was shielding his paper with his arm as he filled it out. Markham's brow was creased in concentration; he missed the looks Stackhouse kept shooting his way, and Grodin had his head ducked. Simpson didn't seem bothered by it at all and was checking off a hell of a lot of things. Miko and Heightmeyer were whispering to each other as they filled theirs out, which was only fair as the two were involved and had been for some time. Sheppard was muttering to himself as he read it.

"What the hell is the mill vanes?" he demanded turning to Rodney.

"_Mouth arrives, the woman tends with the opened legs to receive its companion who, in this position, front penetrates it to the legs of her. The difference of sensations is remarkable in this type of penetration: clitoris and the vaginal lips are in the heat of contact with pelvis and the environs of the penis of the companion and the most accessible penetration are through circular movements. The fact of not being able to see itself expensive face gives a special enchantment him to the position. The newness of the caresses surprises pleasingly: the woman can caress the rumps of her companion, to smoothly nail her nails in the later part to the knees, to grasp the testicles of her companion. The man; to absorb the feet of her, to bite its fingers, to approach its hand the genitals of which they are being fused and to take its penis to penetrate it better_. That's the Karma Sutra's description anyway." He shrugged and when Sheppard didn't say anything, looked up. Sheppard's mouth was opening and closing like a fish with no sound. His face was redder then a tomato and his breathing was labored.

"What?" he squeaked, literally squeaked and Rodney raised an eyebrow.

"Would you like me to repeat it?"

"NO!" the entire room turned to look at him. He blushed even redder, ducked his head, and went back to his survey. Rodney gave him a weird look and then went back to his own survey. Elizabeth turned to Teyla and Halling, both of whom just looked at her.

"I'll explain later."

By the time everyone had finished with the survey nearly three fun, tension, filled hours had passed. Bates folded his over before placing it on the pile. Stackhouse and Grodin both put theirs down face first and couldn't look at each other; Simpson and Markham who simply dropped theirs onto the pile. Ford quickly placed his down and nearly fainted when Zelenka put his on top, praying the scientist didn't see his. Zelenka didn't seem to notice it as he was in the middle of a deep conversation with Beckett. Bates strained to get a glimpse of Beckett's paper, but Kavanaugh put his down before he could. Sheppard threw his down and walked away quickly and quietly while Rodney simply put his down and waited impatiently for everyone one else to turn theirs in. Once everyone was done, Elizabeth once again stood on top of the table.

"Alright. Teyla, Halling, and I will look these over tonight and give you the results in the morning. Meanwhile, before you leave could you please put a tally in those two boxes," she pointed to two boxes labeled scientist and military on an empty table, "Simply put a yes or no on whether you have had sexual intercourse with another person since you've been here." That took another hour and once everyone was done, they were excused and practically ran out the door.

"Alright, we'll look over these tonight and announce them tomorrow," she decided. Rodney and John nodded.

"Can't wait," Rodney grinned and walked out. John's eyes followed him until he was out of site before turning back to Elizabeth. She gave him a sympathetic look and a pat on the arm.

TBC . . .


	3. Chapter 3

Title: Results Part 3  
Author: llewellynprince

Series: The Secret Lives of Scientists  
Rating: R –NC-17  
Pairings: McKay/Sheppard Teyla/Weir Ford/Zelenka Beckett/Bates Grodin/Simpson Miko/Heightmeyer Stackhouse/Markham  
Category: Humor, Lust, Romance, Drama  
Summary: Elizabeth tells everyone the results of the survey, Rodney and John have an interesting conversation.  
Notes: Beta'd by lyndasty

* * *

Part Three: Results

Breakfast was subdued and quiet; everyone was tense waiting for Elizabeth, Teyla, and Halling to arrive with the results. Notably, the soldiers sat on one side of the tables and the scientists on the other. It warmed up after awhile and everyone relaxed enough to start talking and joking, comparing their answers on the survey and talking about them. There were quite a few questions from the military on what several of the things mentioned on the survey were and the scientists were more then happy to explain to them. They were very happy to explain…too happy; so happy in fact that they volunteered information that the military personnel didn't want to know. Sheppard, Bates, Ford, Markham, and Stackhouse were sitting across from Rodney, Zelekna, Beckett, Simpson, and Grodin, while Heightmeyer and Miko occupied the end of the table. Beckett and Zelenka were talking in detail about encounters they'd had, something about a sweet Russian girl and the Berlin Wall and a young Scottish lass and a field of sheep. Sheppard and the others really didn't want to know all the details they were hearing, and said details were depressing Ford. Sheppard looked over at the young soldier who was glancing up at Zelenka whenever the other man wasn't looking and playing with his food other times. Who would've guessed he'd fall for a scientist? Sheppard turned back and stole a glance at McKay; the same could be said for him. Eventually the conversation between the soldiers turned to military things, like movies and they relaxed.

Arnold Schwarzenegger is da bomb!" Ford declared in reference to the Predator movie.

"Totally!" Stackhouse agreed.

"Basic is the best all over military movie," Bates stated.

"Oh please," Sheppard snorted, "Top Gun is the best."

"You're just saying that because you're in the Air Force," Ford snorted.

"I'm also your commanding officer," Sheppard grinned with a glint in his eye.

"Oh please, they're all terrible movies," Rodney stated rolling his eyes. They turned to him, all wearing various expressions of annoyance.

"They are great movies," Sheppard countered. Rodney rolled his eyes again.

"Their brainless, plot less, and pointless!" Rodney argued.

"Their entertaining and fun!" Sheppard argued back. Thankfully Elizabeth walked in before the argument could turn into a full-blown battle and everyone in the room went quiet and turned to her.

"Well I can see you're all eager for the results," She commented dryly. Everyone grinned and few laughed.

"Well, don't keep us waiting!" Someone cried out causing more laughter.

"Alright…the most experienced military man was Lieutenant Ford!" Ford's jaw dropped as the entire room turned to look at him.

"It's the looks." A woman he couldn't see declared, causing more laughter and Ford to blush. Sheppard grinned and slapped him on the back as Stackhouse elbowed him playfully in the side; Markham sent him a teasing grin.

"Most experienced scientist is a tie between Doctors McKay and Simpson, who have done everything under the sun from the looks of this survey." As soon as she finished cheers erupted from many of the scientific personnel while the military personnel just sat in shock. Rodney smirked at Sheppard whose jaw had dropped along with Bates', Ford's, Markham's , and Stackhouse's. "And Rodney and Simpson both scored higher than Lieutenant Ford, so first round goes to the scientists," She finished, her lips twitching. She had enough info from these test to blackmail everyone on the expedition several times over. The scientists cheered and congratulations went around good-naturedly. Elizabeth gave a sigh of relief, relieved that there were no hard feelings.

"What about the tally?" One of the female scientists asked. The military contingent groaned.

"75 to 25," she grinned sheepishly and there were groans and cheers. "Alright, quiet down people. For those of you who signed up the competition starts today." The room went dead quiet and you could have heard a piece of paper drop, "Remember, you can back out at anytime. Does everyone understand?" There were nods and quiet affirmations. "Alright the competition will begin in two hours and last until this time tomorrow. All it consists of is getting one of the opposite team to admit you've seduced them. I expect everyone to be fair."

Sheppard sighed. "I can't believe you signed up," he turned to Ford, who just looked at him.

"I can't believe you didn't," Ford gave him a look. The young Lieutenant was well aware of Sheppard's long time feelings towards their resident genius and was amazed that said genius hadn't figured it out yet.

"Oh please, it was a stupid bet," Sheppard snorted and Rodney raised an eyebrow. "And no, I'm not insulting your genius." He said before Rodney could start again and rolled his eyes at him.

"How about we make a personal wager, Major," Rodney said calmly, the light in his eyes and his smirk on his lips worrying Sheppard, "I bet I'll get into your pants long before you can ever get into mine." Ford choked on his drink. Bates's fork stopped halfway to his mouth. Elizabeth would have dropped her tray but Teyla and Halling caught it. Beckett stopped mid-sentence. Zelenka took off his glasses, wiped them clean then put them back on and stared at Rodney and John. Markham stared with his mouth open. Stackhouse swallowed his food with difficulty. Simpson grinned. Grodin looked like a fish out of water as the rest of the room, overhearing Rodney's bet, went quiet. Sheppard's jaw dropped and he felt his face turned bright red as the room waited with baited breath. When it became obvious Sheppard was too shocked to actually say anything on his own, Ford jumped in to help.

"He agrees," Ford said quickly.

"Ford!" Sheppard panicked.

"Perfect," Rodney smiled. "See you later Major." He stood up and left with one final smirk at Sheppard. Sheppard looked from a retreating Rodney to Ford hopelessly while the room cheered.

TBC . . .Then the real fun starts


	4. Chapter 4

Title: Pair Up Part 4  
Author: llewellynprince

Series: The Secret Lives of Scientists  
Rating: R –NC-17  
Pairings: McKay/Sheppard Teyla/Weir Ford/Zelenka Beckett/Bates Grodin/Simpson Miko/Heightmeyer, Stackhouse/Markham  
Category: Humor, Lust, Romance, Drama  
Summary: Radek/Ford, Simpson/Grodin, Stackhouse/Markham  
Notes: Beta'd by lyndasty

* * *

Part 4: Pair Up

After breakfast Elizabeth had privately handed out the pairings for the competition. They went as follows:

Rodney McKay(S)-John Sheppard(M)

Carson Beckett(S)-Sergeant Bates(M)

Radek Zelenka(S)-Aiden Ford(M)

Simpson(S)-Peter Grodin(S)

Jamie Markham(M)-Adam Stackhouse(M) – because really, the two of them needed to get together.

There were a few others who weren't going to be nearly as entertaining. She'd made sure that everyone had a partner they were compatible with and willing to work with. She given them all a chance to change their minds or their…partners but most had requested the people they'd gotten. Well the scientists had at any rate. She had a sneaking suspicion Radek knew it was Ford who'd sent him the secret admirer gift basket. She hinted at it as well. More like pushed it, actually, by refusing to pair Radek up with someone else. Zelenka hadn't argued, just looked thoughtful. Where Aiden had acquired the stuff to put in that basket was beyond her; only Rodney had coffee grounds and chocolate bars that she knew of and he wasn't the type to share. Someone that she didn't know about must have contributed the much cherished items.

John was avoiding Rodney like the plague and Stackhouse and Grodin couldn't look anyone in the eye, which made watching their conversations very entertaining. Markham kept glancing at Stackhouse even more than usual. Simpson had requested Grodin and Elizabeth had a feeling the two men where in over their heads.

Ford had begun stopping by Zelenka's lab whenever he had the chance and since he shared a lab with Rodney, it was getting on Rodney's nerves.

Carson had called Bates' team in for random checkups for no reason a few times and made Bates go last; it was unnerving the Sergeant though he'd never admit it.

She couldn't wait to see what happened that night.

_

* * *

LATER THAT NIGHT PETER GRODIN'S PRIVATE QUARTERS_

A knock on the door of Peter Grodin's quarters brought him out of his nervous brooding. He called out 'come in' and the door slid open and Simpson walked in…in a small, very small, pink teddy.

Grodin's jaw dropped as he stared, incoherent words coming out of his mouth. Simpson just laughed and smiled.

"Who?" Grodin managed to get out. Simpson grinned.

"Why you, of course," he stared at her in shock as she walked closer, leaning in to kiss Grodin.

_

* * *

SAME TIME SARGEANT JAMIE MARKHAM'S PRIVATE QUARTERS_

Jamie sighed and threw himself down on his bed. Adam had been avoiding him like he had the Ancient's plague the whole day and it was starting to hurt. He blinked furiously; he shouldn't be crying. He should be pissed off! He jumped up and stormed to the door, intent on locating Stackhouse and demanding an answer from him. The door slid open at his command and he barely had a moment to register that Stackhouse was at his door before the other man's tongue was down his throat and his hands were gripping his ass, guiding him back toward the bed and all he could do was moan.

Callused hands kneaded warm, soft flesh and all Jamie could do was fall into it, moaning and begging as Stackhouse's fingers slipped in and stretched him, brushing his prostrate and making him scream. His nerves had been frayed to the breaking point, thinking about this all day, and now that it was actually happening it was overwhelming. He whimpered as Adam spread his legs and there was a burning pressure, then a pop, and Jamie squeezed his eyes closed as a mouth closed over his and sucked at his tongue. After a moment Adam pulled out, thrust again and the pain faded into pleasure.

It was all Adam could do not to scream when he slid into Jamie, god it felt too good. The younger man arched under his powerful thrusts and screamed Adam's name when he came; it made Adam feel like some sort of sex god.

_

* * *

SAME TIME LIEUTENANT AIDEN FORD'S PRIVATE QUARTERS_

Ford paced nervously and tried not to stare at Zelenka's ass and the man bent down to fix his shower. It didn't help that he was only wearing a towel and had a raging hard on and it _really_ didn't help that Zelenka's uniform pulled tight in all the right places. He heard Zelenka muttered something in Czech and walked over.

"Is everything alright?" he asked, surprising Zelenka who jerked up, bumped his head and cursed, backing out from under the shower. "Sorry," Ford apologized guiltily. Zelenka waved it off.

"Is fine. Your shower is fixed!"

"Ahh, thanks man, I owe you one," Aiden gave a sigh of relief.

"Anything else?"

"Nope." Aiden sighed 'unless your willing to fuck me like I wish you would,' he thought with another drawn out sigh. He looked up and found Zelenka studying him. "What?"

"You talk out loud," Zelenka informed him, studying him like the family cat studied the new kitten.

"What? Of course I do, everybody…oh god," he trailed off as he realized what he meant, he'd said it out loud. Christ he'd said it out loud and Zelenka had heard him, loud and clear. He paled, then nearly fainted as the Czech scientist began taking his jacket and then shirt off.

"What are you doing?" He was pretty sure you didn't have to do that to fix a shower and hadn't Zelenka said he was done? Radek looked up at him and cocking his head to the side as he studied him.

"You are secret admirer no?"

Aiden's jaw dropped. "Um, yes," he squeaked.

"I am returning interest," Zelenka tossed his belt onto the pile, then his shoes and socks. Aiden swayed on his feet; this was way too much information at once.

"Zelumpka," Suddenly Rodney came over Zelenka's headset and Ford wanted to kiss him.

"Zelenka," the scientist corrected, not a trace of annoyance in his voice.

"Yeah whatever, what are you doing?"

"I was about to fuck Lieutenant Ford."

Aiden felt his jaw hit the floor.

"Oh, never mind then I'll get Kavanaugh. Have fun." Rodney said cheerfully then disconnected, and Zelenka tossed the headset onto his pile of clothes and turned to Aiden, who was still trying to digest everything that had happened in the past five minutes. He jumped when Zelenka reached out and took his hand but allowed himself to be led to the bed where Zelenka gently pushed him down on his back. Aiden went willingly and leaned up to kiss him. It was long, slow, and sweet and Zelenka's hands were everywhere, Aiden's own returning the favor. Zelenka kissed him again, hot and hungry and wet and it left Aiden gasping when the kiss broke off. Zelenka trailed kisses over his sculpted chest and abdomen, pausing to suck on his nipples and dip his tongue in Aiden's navel, which caused the younger man to arch of the bed with a gasp that turned into a moan halfway through. Zelenka pulled the towel away from Aiden's waist and before he knew what was happening Zelenka took him in his mouth.

"Uhh.." Aiden gasped as Zelenka sucked and fisted his hands in his hair, thrusting up into the warm, hot mouth, that, wow, that was good. 'God where the hell did he learn to do that!' Every coherent thought flew out of Aiden's head when Zelenka put his tongue to good use, very good use. Suddenly Zelenka hummed and Aiden arched up off the bed crying out 'Radek' when he came. He laid back as his orgasm washed over him, Zelenka climbing back up his body to kiss him, sliding his tongue inside Aiden's mouth. It was incredibly arousing to taste himself in Zelenka's mouth and Aiden moaned again, which was all he could really do at the moment.

A few minutes later, when he'd finally recovered, he rolled Zelenka over and slid down the scientist's body, pushing him onto his back and getting rid of his pants. He looked up and met Radek's eyes as he kissed the tip of his penis before engulfing down to the base. Radek's low, throaty groan spurred him on and Aiden cupped and massaged his balls as he sucked, deep throating the other man's cock. He came whispering Aiden's name and pulled him up for a kiss that seemed to last forever. Aiden rolled over onto his back and Zelenka snuggled next to him, draping an arm over Aiden's chest and sticking his face in the crook of Ford's shoulder. Aiden wrapped his own arm around his shoulder.

"So…?" Aiden wasn't exactly sure where to go from here.

"We sleep now," Zelenka informed him. Aiden chuckled.

"I know, I was just wondering if this is a one time thing?" He asked quietly as Zelenka snuggled closer.

"No."

"It's that simple?" Disbelief.

"Yes."

"Are you sure?"

"If you ask again I say no," Zelenka threatened and Aiden shut up, a goofy smile on his face and went to sleep, only to be woken hours later to get fucked through the mattress by a very skilled Czech.

TBC . . . Next time it's really NC17, Beckett/Bates and Sheppard/McKay


	5. Chapter 5

Title: Beware of doctors and scientists! Part 5 end  
Author: llewellynprince

Series: The Secret Lives of Scientists  
Rating: R –NC-17  
Pairings: McKay/Sheppard Teyla/Weir Ford/Zelenka Beckett/Bates Grodin/Stackhouse/Simpson Miko/Heightmeyer  
Category: Humor, Lust, Romance, Drama  
Summary: Beckett/Bates, McKay/Sheppard  
Notes: Beta'd by lyndasty

* * *

Part 5: Beware of doctors and scientists!

Bates frowned as he watched Beckett chat with one of his nurses. The good doctor had called his team in for check up for no apparent reason and had insisted he stay for a quick blood test. The quick test, Beckett had explained, was to make sure no toxins from the air on the planet they had visited were in his system. 'Five minutes tops', he'd said. _Well_ it wasn't turning out to be that quick, as the good doctor seemed to be doing everything but the blood test. He sighed in relief as the nurse left then frowned as another nurse came up and took her place, asking Beckett to look at something. If he didn't know better he'd say it was a conspiracy. Finally, _an hour later,_ Beckett came back carrying the blood test.

"Well?"

"Ye be in perfect health, Sergeant," Beckett announced cheerfully, handing him the readout. Bates nodded. He wasn't a doctor, _he_ couldn't read it so why the hell was Beckett giving it to him? When he looked up from pretending to read the paper and found Carson staring at him.

Correction, he was staring, to Bates' shock, blatantly at his crotch.

"Ah, Doctor?"

Beckett's head snapped up. "Yes?"

"You're staring at my crotch."

"Ah, ye saw that did ye?"

Bates nearly fell off of the exam table, but managed not to by some unknown miracle. "Yes, I did." Every ounce of control he'd ever learned went into that sentence.

"Does it bother ye?"

Bates blinked. "What?" Bates blinked again.

"Does it bother ye?" Carson repeated slowly a note of hope in voice.

"Uh, I don't know, kind of."

"Oh, okay, I'll stop." Bates' mind was working over time to keep up with the situation and was it just him or did Beckett just sound upset about not being able to stare at him? Shit! He should not be thinking this! He was a marine for Christ's sake! "You can get dressed now; I'll get you an ice pack for your head," Beckett closed the curtain and disappeared. He reached up and felt the bump on his forehead, which unknown to Beckett was actually his fault. You don't walk around Atlantis half naked and wet after a shower at four am, smelling like oranges and just walk up the head of security and ask if he wants to have coffee with you at said time and in said condition. He grabbed his clothes and started changing.

"Sergeant?" Beckett knocked a few moments later.

"Come on in," he responded, bending over to pull on his other boot and lace it up. When he straightened and turned around it was to find Beckett holding an ice pack looking rather occupied by his ass.

"Doctor?"

Beckett's head snapped up. "Oh, sorry," He handed him the ice pack and stepped forward to check the bump. Bates could feel the heat radiating off the Scottish doctor. "Well, looks like ye'll be fine. Should go wa-" Bates sighed, gave up, grabbed the doctor, and kissed him, hard.

Carson stumbled back a bit when Bates suddenly grabbed him and kissed him, hard. He blinked, surprised for a minute, then, assured it was really happening and not one of his many fantasies, responded and kissed him back, pressing forward. Before he knew what had happened Bates had him bent backwards over the edge of the waist high exam table and his shirt was gone. Sparks of pleasure shot through his body. He groaned when a hot mouth covered a nipple and he ran his hands over Bates' back, fingers digging in when Bates nipped him. Bates' tongue swathed a nipple, them sucked before moving on to the next one. Carson moaned and arched, briefly wondering if his nurses could hear this before simply surrendering to the sensations the security chief was causing. When Bates made to move down and lick a trail of fire over his erect cock, Carson pulled him back up for a passionate kiss.

"Inside me," Carson murmured between kisses and Bates nodded. The kiss was wet and messy but Carson didn't care because it felt like Bates was tearing him to pieces then putting him back together. Reaching down and fumbling briefly with his pants, Beckett groaned and took over Bates' zipper as Bates reached for a jar of medical jelly. "That'll work," Beckett gasped breathlessly when the marine held it up, and then whimpered as he watched Bates slick two fingers then work them inside him. He moaned as he moved against those fingers, hands gripping Bates' arms. God! And at this angle he could see the dark fingers moving in and out of his decidedly paler skin. He whimpered, not caring what he sounded like and spread his legs farther.

Bates groaned as he watched the Scottish doctor fuck himself on his fingers. He barely had to move them and crooking them every few thrusts seemed to drive the doctor mad. His erection strained against his boxers and he quickly pulled them off. He pulled his fingers out and shushed Carson whimper of protest with another mind melting kiss. Bates tugged Carson's boxers off, the answering moan going straight to his own cock, and dropped them down with his.

"Ready?" Bates managed to gasp out and all Carson could do was nod as Bates' warm, big cock slowly slid inside him. There was a bust of pain at first but was quickly replaced by a wave of pleasure as Bates pulled out and pushed back in. Carson arched up off the bed as Bates slid in all the way again and stopped. "Okay?" is the only word Bates can manage as the feeling of being buried in Beckett's body overwhelms his senses, it's tight and hot and feels like silk. "Fuck!" he breaths in Beckett's ear and Carson pulls him down for a hot, wet kiss.

"Move! Please!" Beckett begged, his back arched off the bed and Bates slowly started moving, small thrusts in and out. "Faster." But Bates doesn't listen, he continued at the same pace, driving the Scotsman crazy, kissing Carson to silence the moans and begs to go faster and harder. Bates keeps his rhythm of sliding in and out slowly, fully burying himself to the hilt. God, he wasn't going to last, it felt too good, like an iron vice, god! Beckett reached up and grabbed one of his hands, bringing it to his cock. Bates got the hint, intertwined their fingers and began stroking in time with his thrusts, white-hot spikes of pleasure shooting through his body. And he swallowed Carson's moan as the doctor came, spraying semen over both their stomachs. Carson's inner muscles tightened around him, causing Bates to let out a low growl as he braced himself over Beckett, breathing hard.

Carson concentrated clenching his inner muscles and slid his fingers through Bates' hair. He raised his head to kiss him, with a hell of a lot of tongue, as Bates continued thrusting and clenched his inner muscles tighter, squeezing Bates' cock. Bates hissed as he came, something that sounded suspiciously like Carson's name and a moan swallowed by Carson

Bates collapsed down on top of Carson, exhausted, and laid there for a moment, Beckett stroking his back. Damn if that wasn't the most intense orgasm he'd ever had!

"Are ye well?" Beckett asked after regaining his breath. Bates lifted his head and looked up at him in amazement. "What? 'Tis a logical question!" Bates raised an eyebrow and slid off him, testing his legs before pulling the doctor up.

"Doctor, no one is not okay after a round like that," Bates assured him, grabbing his pants and pulling them on carefully, one leg at a time.

Carson pouted. "Bloody possible," he muttered under his breath fixing his own clothes. Bates raised an eyebrow and walked over to him, planting a gentle, chaste kiss on his lips. When he pulled away, Beckett's eyes are wide and his swollen mouth slightly open.

"Uh, um so we be doing this again?" the hopeful look in his eyes made Bates smile.

"Whenever you need another blood test, Doc, you just let me know."

_

* * *

DOCTOR RODNEY MCKAY'S LAB_

Rodney didn't look up as he heard the door to his lab swish open. "Unless you're here to help go away!"

"Gee, McKay what's your problem?" It's Sheppard, he recognizes his voice.

"Half my scientists are gone, that's the problem!"

"Where's Radek?" Sheppard asked looking around, knowing full well Radek was the only other scientist Rodney considered anywhere near competent and that when he said half were gone he meant the Czech was gone.

"Off fucking Lieutenant. Ford!" Rodney returned scathingly. He raised an eyebrow when Sheppard went redder then a tomato. "Major, are you alright?"

"F-fine! Why?" he wheezed.

Rodney arched an eyebrow. "Well, you're bright red for one and stuttering for two…gee you must be fine!" He snapped sarcastically.

"Uh…"

Rodney studied him with a frown that turned into a slightly evil grin. "Major…"

"Yes?" Sheppard squeaked.

"Radek and Ford, do you want to see?"

"WHAT!"

"You can access the security videos fro-"

"No!"

"That's funny, cause there are certain parts of your body that seem to disagree," Rodney gave a meaningful look at Sheppard's erection, causing the Air Force Major to blush crimson.

"It's not that! I, ur, I have a meeting," He turned quickly and made it half way to the door before he felt McKay's arms around his waist and the ominous click of the door locking, damn Rodney and his computers. "Mc-McKay?"

"You know what Major? I think I was right about your feelings."

"My...feelings…for what?" Sheppard gasped out, Rodney was so close, so damn close, finally. He gritted his teeth.

"Me," McKay said simply and started kissing, sucking, and nipping his neck all at once, Sheppard moaned and felt his knees buckle. Jesus!

"What feelings?" he whimpered when Rodney sucked on his earlobe, the scientist's skilled hands slipped under his shirt, one up, one down, both wonderful.

"You know, I don't think it was the thought of Ford and Radek fucking that got you hard, though it's an interesting idea. I think it was the thought of us doing it. Or more precisely me fucking you." Sheppard moaned, because really, what else could he do? And Rodney went to work on Sheppard's pants, maneuvering him closer to the door.

"McKay?" he panicked.

"Rodney."

"Rod-ney!" John gasped when two hands slid inside his boxers and squeezed, jump starting his body like a car battery.

"Just lean against the door, it's locked." Rodney whispered stroking his erection with one hand and sliding the other up his shirt to play with his nipples. Sheppard leaned forward on shaking arms as McKay quickly rid himself of his own pants. He stroked the Major with one hand, nipping his shoulder, then sucking the spot.

"Rodney, this isn't the bet…?" Rodney paused as he slid two fingers in to the Major, who gasped and buckled, then whimpered and spread his legs further.

"No. This…I've wanted to do since I first saw you in Antarctica," he whispered and scissored his fingers, stretching Sheppard, who responded with moans and an 'oh fuck'.

"If you," he panted, "had asked, ungh, I would have huh, said YES!" he cried out as Rodney slid his fingers out and his cock in. Rodney moved his hands up and placing them on top of the Major's, lacing their fingers as he paused, waiting for John to adjust before pulling out and thrusting in again. He made sure to brush Sheppard's prostate with each thrust. Sheppard's head fell back and his rested his forehead against it.

"Major…" he groaned.

"John." John exhaled which turned into a moan halfway through and then he lost the power to think anything but _fuck, god, yes_!

"John." Rodney nipped his neck; John was going to have a hell of a hicky tomorrow, a mark that he belonged to Rodney, and that made Rodney groan and speed up his thrusts.

"Faster...please! Rodney, harder…!" John begged in gasps, Rodney complied and slammed into the Major, pressing his cock against the door and causing John to scream. Thank god the walls in Atlantis were sound proof. Rodney groaned; he was so close! He moved one the Major's hands, their fingers still intertwined, guiding it down to his cock and wrapping both their fingers around it.

"Watch," he whispered in John's ear, adding a lick for the hell of it.

John looked down at their entwined hands wrapped around his cock and almost came right there with a sob of pleasure; he felt blinding white hot sparks of pleasure coursing through his body, starting from their finger tips and spreading upward. Rodney pulled out and thrust back in hard once more and they both came, crying out one another's name.

_

* * *

MESS HALL NEXT MORNING_

Elizabeth and Teyla walked into the mess hall the next morning to see a rather happy crowd.

Elizabeth smiled, she'd given everyone who'd entered the competition the day off, just in case. Since the competition, Simpson and Grodin had been practically inseparable. Markham didn't bother to look away from staring at Stackhouse when people looked and despite their new relationship it still made Stackhouse nervous. Bates and Beckett were sitting together, very close together, when before they hadn't been able to stand one another, threatening each other with guns and such. Sheppard and McKay could barley keep their hands of each other and Ford kept finding strange reasons to visit the lab or drag Zelenka off somewhere. Really, did he honestly think anyone was going to believe him when he said the TV needed to be fixed? They didn't even have a TV for god's sake! She cleared her throat to get the rooms attention.

"Alright everyone. According to those who didn't enter the competition, the winner was, by a lot I'm afraid to say, the scientists," she grinned as cheers and congratulations erupted and joined in the clapping. Sheppard just smiled happily.

"You set this up didn't you major?" One the contestants, a marine accused, grinning while he did.

"That would make sense!" The female scientist next to him agreed, they were sitting pretty close.

"Especially the way things worked out!" Someone else chimed in.

"Someone had to!" another voice added.

Sheppard sputtered. "I didn't set anything up!" he protested and almost immediately everyone turned in sync to McKay, who just sipped his coffee and raised an eyebrow.

"What? It's not like any of you are upset!"

The End


End file.
